While taking a trip to sun.com today, I noticed that it’s already redirecting to oracle.com. And at the same moment I noticed that the headliner at oracle.com is an announcement about the Oracle Cloud Computing Forum. Given Larry’s well known views of the cloud, I found this amusing. And a vision of Larry running a cloud conference immediately came to mind. Here’s how I imagine a Cloud Computing Forum run by Larry Ellison would go:

Larry: “Welcome to the Oracle Cloud Computing Forum. Please take a seat. There’s been lots of talk about cloud computing and we here at Oracle wanted to share our own corporate vision. Ready? Here goes. There IS NO cloud! It’s all a bunch of CRAP! It’s the same thing we’ve been doing for TWENTY FREAKING years! You want a cloud? Go buy our hardware and software you CHEAPSKATES! Thank you, that concludes our forum. I’d like to open the mic for questions.”

Random Guy: “Isn’t a cloud more then just a web site?”

Larry: “No. Next question.”

Other Random Guy: “Is a cloud just outsourcing your IT?”

Larry: “How many times do I have to tell you? There IS NO cloud. And yes, it’s just outsourcing your IT. And only idiots would do that. Buy our hardware and software.”

Final Random Guy: “What about Amazon’s and Google’s vision of the cloud?”

Larry: “Google is just hotelling web apps and any idiot can do that in their own data center. Amazon is just hosting a big virtualization server and any idiot can do that too. You want to swallow that crap? Fine. I’ll buy your company and fire you for being stupid, or you can just buy our hardware and software. Now everyone go home, the conference is over.”